Wednesday, June 4, 2008

Guid's, Guido's and Guidettes... or Guidle Dee and Guidle Dum

Photo from http://www.hotchickswithdouchebags.com/

I ran across a blog the other day that had me wrenching in pain from laughter. The bloggers rant dealt with Guido's infecting our planet. I hadn't realized that so many people were on the same page as me when it comes to Guido disdain. For those of you who have NO CLUE what a Guido is, I point you to one of the most eloquent and accurate descriptions I have ever read. The funny thing is that I have noticed that more and more of them are appearing outside of the tri-state area. Apparently they are breeding at an explosive rate. There have been some spotted as far down as Miami, Florida! What has no doubt perpetuated this "enigma" as CajunBoy aptly calls it is the terrible, terrible show Growing Up Gotti, which was subsequently aired and canceled, re-aired and re-cancelled. I remember when I first moved here to Long Island and how terrible I thought these orange porcupine people looked. Now I'm used to it. I have come to see them as a self-made parody. YouTube video sensations like these didn't help either:[Rated R for coarse language and accurate graphic depictions of Guidism]

I think, "JEGA BOMBS!" every time I see one in a bar. That and "PROTEIN!!" Hahaha. The sad truth is, that wasn't exaggerated. It's completely accurate. I have one of these guys living in my Village. He runs around the Village punching the air allegedly "training" with his orange tan and spiky hair["Blow Out"], looking "juiced as hell" with arms that are bigger than my head. [Note: I am about to admit to my own douche-baggery] We share the same tanning place[there I said it]. While he is in the tanning bed, he talks on his cell phone to girls that aren't there, at volumes that ensure everyone can hear him, and proceeds to shout things out like, "I don't want to see you tonight!" or "Why are you ALWAYS CALLING ME telling me you love me?! I don't like you like that!" or "You're f***ing retarded! Why would you say that to me?!" Anything that creates an illusion that he is adored by many females and that he may use them or say to them whatever he wishes. It's disgusting really. Anyway, that's my rant. I thought I'd share that with you, it's decidedly funny, don't you agree? I wondered if any of you have Guid's living in or around your area? Do share.

UPDATE: ABC News covers New Yorks new DORK phenomenon. These Guids are now rubbing Preparation H on their bodies [and dismissing the baby oil routine] to look "jacked".

14 comments:

Miss Em said...

I used to date with one. A dark time of my life that I don't like to refer to at all. I was blinded by his blinged up Honda and the fake Rolex he bought me. *cringe* It didn't last long...

L.C.T. said...

Ya know, either I'm very observant, or they haven't yet emmigrated across the ocean. Lucky us eh?

Angela said...

Thankfully, they haven't migrated to the West Coast yet. I think Californians (or Northern Californias) would be WAYYY too laid back to give them any enjoyment of living here.

I haven't seen many in Pittsburgh, either, when I'm at school. Maybe a couple, since a hell of a lot of people from Philly go to my school, but I haven't seen a lot. Thank god.

Anonymous said...

hi...it's "thisdayandage" (thisday-andage.blogspot.com)...I'm at work, so I don't want to log into blogger...

anyway. this post reflects everything I've felt about guidos since first encountering them (in college). I couldn't help but laugh at the way in which you accurately described guidos. and that video? check out my new fuckin haircut.

haha I love this post and I will definitely check out the other blog you pointed to.

have a good one.

Sean C said...

miss em: Dark days indeed Miss Em, dark days indeed.

l.c.t. I think you meant not very observant? ;) I hope not, because I hope to end up in Europe soon, and England may be stop numero uno.

angela Yeah, agreed, Cali is way to laid back for them. It think there is a reality TV show with a Jersey Guid named appropriately "Joey" on it. Like Road Rules or whatever that show is with all the people in the house that have sex and beat each other up. So, it starts there Ang, just a scratch in Hollywood and BOOM, full blown epidemic.

thisdayandage Yeah don't get in trouble at work TDAA. Glad to hear someone feels my pain. Have you seen the Guido fist pump and kick dance? Maybe I should post a video of that. My new haircut is the best. This past Halloween people dressed up with a track suit jacket and headbands and had protein powder tucked under their arms. They would yell, "NOT NOW CHIEF! I'M IN THE ZONE!" It was funny.

classy & fabulous said...

O-M-G...does anyone find that attractive?!?! thank god I dont see that in MN...

JK said...

SO I grew up in Western New York state in a city that was mostly Sicilians. If you don't know Sicilians are the original guidos. They are literally EVERYWHERE. The funniest thing to me is that other people are now trying to imitate them. I spent my whole childhood laughing at them and being disgusted by their spiky hair.

The one good thing about Sicilians and true guidos is they make great food!

Alice said...

I had seen those pictures before and can't even laugh for all the staring in disbelief I do. Do they even own a mirror? Do the girls they hang out with think orange skin is hot? Bleh.

Emma Jayne said...

I agree with LCT not seen any here yet *crosses fingers hard and hopes they never do*

thisdayandage said...

hey you. just letting you know that I added you to my "to-do list." aka, you're one of my favorites. just thought I'd let you know...after the post about guidos, how could you not be one of my favorites?

Anonymous said...

for the record theyre all the way down in ga and fla..terrible

Anonymous said...

omg!!! me n some of my coworkers were just talking about these douche bags today!!! they tan so much..they're orange and their moms let them go out like that i mean come on now!! do u really think orange is flattering on all you guys!! lets not forget the guidettes!! them broads all got fake boobs and their iced pink lip gloss...please dont let them have children..their kids will be born orange with their spiked up hair iced out earring and poutting lips!!

John said...

Went to school a private college in north eastern PA (about 50 mins from the jersey state line and about an hour from NY). My school was LITTERED with these guys. They are hilarious. Fist pumping, gelling up their blow outs, screaming the most obnoxious things with their accents, using words like "phat" and "hot", chugging beers, creeping on women, wearing beaters to the most inappropriate places. They look just as ridiculous as the jersey/ny guidette who does almost the same thing haha. Oh guidos. Being from maryland, no one here really knows that that is. I just tell them they are missing out on hilarity haha.

Anonymous said...

All you guys are Like HATERS! I think Guidos are SOOO effin HOTT and I wish we had more in Cali! Im about to move to Long Island to meet the man of my dreams....and *Sigh* I've been in love with Carmine Gotti since the beggining of time....He should be my baby's dad lol...Well Keep your butt cheeks tight...Bye...